


Best Of Me

by Juliet73



Category: Dalton Academy Series, Glee
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jogan - Freeform, M/M, Songfic, post hell night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 12:31:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2428931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliet73/pseuds/Juliet73
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was not an easy thing coming back to Dalton. It had never been easy for Julian - each time he had had the horrible feeling that things were just going to be worse. </p>
<p>And they always were.</p>
<p>But this time? Yeah, nothing compared to this. After almost dying here, actually causing - even if not on purpose - the death of a man and almost causing the death of too many crazy teenagers, one would think Julian completely insane for still coming back.</p>
<p>But that’s the thing with Julian Larson, isn’t it? You can always count on him coming back. Maybe he just likes making an entrance, maybe he’s just too scared to move forward. Anyway here he is: back at Dalton once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is the first fic I've ever posted on ao3 and I'm really excited! Full disclosure: it's not actually a new fanfic, I wrote it last February for the Dalton Riot 2014, so you might have already read it on tumblr. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it and maybe leave some kudos/reviews if that's the case.
> 
> P.S. It’s not beta’d, I wrote it between midnight and 1 am and English is not even my first language, so be ready for tons of mistakes. Sorry.

It was not an easy thing coming back to Dalton. It had never been easy for Julian - each time he had had the horrible feeling that things were just going to be worse.   
  
And they always were.  
  
But this time? Yeah, nothing compared to this. After almost dying here, actually causing - even if not on purpose - the death of a man and almost causing the death of too many crazy teenagers, one would think Julian completely insane for still coming back.  
  
But that’s the thing with Julian Larson, isn’t it? You can always count on him coming back. Maybe he just likes making an entrance, maybe he’s just too scared to move forward. Anyway here he is: back at Dalton once again.  
  
The last six months or so had passed in a haze. Honestly, at first it wasn’t even his fault - they had him under so many pills he barely remembered his time in the hospital. It’s not like he wants to remember anyway.  
  
The students had fought so hard to keep Dalton open that in the end they actually managed it. It probably had a lot to do with how crazy rich everyone was.  
  
That last summer though had been the most interesting thing. In any other situation it would have been incredibly amusing seeing Logan walking on eggshells all the time, but the truth is that it was just incredibly frustrating. The first month after Julian’s release from the hospital had been hell - the young actor couldn’t even stand to see him. They had not talked about it. They had barely talked at all. Logan was obviously trying to give him some space. Both him and Derek visited him regularly while he hid away from the world, telling him about Dalton opening again and them going back.   
  
He had decided not to go back for his senior year but, well, Julian’s not known for sticking to his plans, is he?  
  
Then summer came: Logan had got tired of the tension between them. He was not going to let his best friend drift away. That was just unacceptable. It was not happening. Julian acted like he thought he was of no importance to the prefect and what the hell?! That was bullshit. Okay, so he had been an idiot. He had been blind. He can see it now. If he could have just magically fallen in love with his friend he would have done it in a heartbeat because, guess what? Knowing he had hurt Julian for so long without even realizing it was the worst thing to ever happen to him. He only wanted to fix everything.  
  
So Logan couldn’t fall in love just by sheer force will. That was okay.   
  
It didn’t mean he was going to give up. Logan Wright does not give up. He doesn’t even know what it means.  
  
So Logan… He was going to watch. Before he had just seen Julian - his best friend, that annoying diva, ofter far away but never really gone - but now he was going to watch him. Observe him. He was going to be his best friend again but now he also knew that… They could be more.  
  
And, man, did he like what he saw.  
  
It was the most confusing thing he had ever experienced. Could he really be falling in love with freaking Julian Larson? He had no idea. Was he just projecting? Was he feeling guilty? Derek was going to kick him to the end of the world and back if he dared tell Julian he loved him when it wasn’t actually true. So he had to wait.   
  
They spent together almost all summer — it was both wonderful and painful. For everyone involved.  
  
School was starting again in a week when he figured it out. He fucking knew, finally.  
  
So he talked to Julian. He talked to him about Hell Night and everything that it caused for the first time.  
  
…It did not go well.  
  
~~~  
  
“You know, that was the most embarrassing thing I ever witnessed.”  
  
Logan turned around, sending the other Warbler a withering glare.  
  
“I’m just saying - you could have done better.”  
  
Logan snorted. “Oh, really? And here I thought my plan had worked perfectly.”  
  
“No need to be sassy.” Kurt sat down across from him in the big choir room. “I want to help.”  
  
Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I know.” He watched out of the window, thinking deeply. “I just don’t get what he wants me to do.”  
  
“I think”, Kurt started tentatively, “I think your standard procedure isn’t going to work this time. Don’t you see, Logan? This is what you always do. You sing a song to whoever you want to impress. I’m not saying it isn’t charming, but it’s not going to work this time because it’s Julian. He knows this is what you do every time.”  
  
That just confused him further. “I don’t understand what’s the problem with that!”   
  
“The problem is that Julian doesn’t want to be another one of your high school crushes.” Kurt explained to him slowly, like he was talking to a kid. “You need to make him see this is different for you. Because it is different, isn’t it?”  
  
Logan nodded, mouth pinched tight.  
  
“So you have to try something different.”  
  
The truth is, if Logan couldn’t use his voice to make Julian understand how he truly felt, what was he supposed to do? It’s not like he had anything else.   
  
…But maybe there was a way to make things different. Kind of.  
  
~~~  
  
Julian was sitting in his math class when it began. He wasn’t enjoying himself - and not only because it was math. Honestly, it was simply a bad day. He was glaring at everything that came in his sight and he couldn’t even tell you why.  
  
Just a bad day.  
  
That was, until the music started.

~~~

Writing your own song is not the same as just singing one, right?

~~~

_It’s so hard to say that I’m sorry_

_I’ll make everything alright_

Logan had tried so hard to find the right words to explain what had happened to him.

But Julian had already made up his mind about all of it.

_All these things that I’ve done_

_Now what have I become, and where’d I go wrong?_

“You have to listen, Jules—”

“No, no, just stop, for God’s sake. I doesn’t matter, alright?! Why do you have to ruin everything?! I thought we had an agreement.”

“We never even talked about it!”

“That’s exactly the point! We don’t have to talk about it, ever!”

_I don’t mean to hurt, just to put you first_

_I won’t tell you lies (I’m sorry)_

“I’m not asking you to talk, I’m just asking you to listen to me! Only ten minutes Jules – that’s all I’m asking you. Please.”

“This is so unnecessary…”

“I need to. Just listen, alright?”

A slight, hesitant nod was the answer.

_I will stand accused_

_With my hand on my heart_

_I’m just trying to say…_

“I’m sorry, Jules. You can’t understand just how fucking sorry I am. I messed up big time and I know I can’t fix it. I can’t change how things went. I was so blind and… I’m sorry. You’ve always meant a lot to me, you have to know that, right? You’re my best friend, you and Derek. Lets face it: the two of you are probably the only ones who can stand me. You put up with me, I don’t even know why. I guess we’re all pretty fucked up, aren’t we? But the point is – I’d never do anything to risk losing either of you. Do you get this? Do you honestly think I didn’t notice you, that first day of freshman year? I doubt anyone could not notice you, and I’m not saying it because you’re famous or whatever. I had the smallest crush on you but then things changed. You said you were straight – or at least, never hinted otherwise. And what’s even more important, we started becoming friends. Really close friends. Can you blame me for instantly putting you in the category of ‘don’t even think about it’? It’s like… Derek! You would never even let yourself think about Derek in a non-platonic way for a moment, would you? I thought I had to do the same with you. So I did.”

_I know that I can’t take_

_Back all of the mistakes_

_But I will try_

“When I found out about… It was awful. I messed up. I’ll never forgive myself for it. I didn’t know what to do for a long time, but I guess you saw that. Then I decided to try and erase all those walls I built around you in my head – I tried to see you as if it was the first time. I wanted to know if I could make things better, if I could feel that way about you.”

_Although it’s not easy_

_I know you believe me_

_‘Cause I would not lie_

“It was both the easiest and hardest thing I ever did.”

_Don’t believe their lies_

_Told through jealous eyes_

_They don’t understand (I’m sorry)_

“I know you’re not going to believe me so easily. Anyone with the smallest bit of brain would tell you not to. But I really am telling you the truth – I waited because I wanted to be sure, I wanted to be able to swear I wasn’t just tricking myself because I feel guilty or whatever bullshit you’re going to think.”

_I won’t break your heart_

_I won’t bring you down_

_But I will have to say_

“You know what else I realized? God, it’s so freaking absurd, because at times I really only want to strangle you, but… If I think about all the qualities I’ve ever liked the most in other people, the things I really wanted in someone I was with…It sounds insane even to me, honestly, but  _you_ have all of them. How stupid was I for not realizing that?”

_I’m sorry_

_It’s all that I can say_

“…You can say something now.”

A long silence.

“I don’t know what to say.”

_You mean so much_

_And I’d fix all that I’ve done_

_If I could start again_

“Tell me you believe me.”

“I don’t know if I do.”

_I’d throw it all away…_

“I’m going to make you believe me. You should know by now how stubborn I can be.”

“Good luck with that.”

_To the shadow of regret…_

“I’d never lie to you, Jules. Not about this. I would never hurt you like that.”

“I know. I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose. I just think you might be lying to yourself.”

“I was afraid you’d say that. It’s okay, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I’m going to fix this if it kills me.”

~~~

The music from the yard started to fade, and with it the beautiful voice singing along. The students were all watching out of the window.

All except for one, who was silently remembering a conversation occurred some time before with that same beautiful voice.

~~~

_…And you will have the best of me…_

“You’ll believe me one day. I’ll make sure you will.”

~~~

He did.


End file.
